I was standing in line at the CVS
pharmacy a few days ago and this lady struck up a conversation with me. We
chatted for a bit and then she asked me, “Have you accepted Jesus as your Lord
and Savior?”
My usual response to this question
is, “No. I believe in God but I don’t like going to church.” That usually makes
the person try to convince me to go to church with them. Something I
wholeheartedly do not want to do. So I then have to find a way to a) not be
rude and b) end the conversation before I become rude.
This time was different though. She
had such a sweet smile and was such a pleasant person to talk to that I didn’t
say my standard answer.
I said, “I believe in God but that
is where my ‘mainstream religion’ beliefs end. I like to think of myself as
believing in Rachelism. I believe what I believe and it beyond that it doesn’t
really matter.”
She nodded and had a thoughtful look
on her face and was quiet for a few seconds and then she said, “You know what,
honey…that is a truthful answer and that is okay. You spoke the truth and that
is wonderful. Thank you.”
So what exactly is Rachelism you ask…
~Reincarnation, Heaven and Hell and
Karma
When it comes to religion I have
always believed in God to a certain extent. (The “certain extent” is not
pertinent information for this story.) My parents bought me a book of
children’s bible stories when I was three or four. I still have it actually
(granted it is somewhere in the attic but it counts). My parents decided that
they would teach me about religion and then let me decide for myself what I
believed in. They are both Christian although they are not church going. My
Mom’s theory is that God created the earth so why should she have to go to a
man made building to talk to Him…she would rather go out to the woods and chill
by a tree. I second that opinion. My Dad…I know the reason behind his dislike
for church but that is his story…not mine… Anyway….they decided it would be up
to me what I believed so I was never baptized.
I learned to read at a very early
age. When I was in first grade and my friends were reading Dr. Seuss I was
devouring short chapter books (I am a total bookworm). A book fair was going on
at school so Mom stuck some money in my backpack and sent me on my merry way. I
chose a book called Number the Stars. Short chapter book, easy to read. It is
about a family…the daughter is friends with a Jewish girl during WWII. The
friend is staying the night at their house when the Gestapo burst in. They
manage to convince the police that she is their daughter, thus saving her from
concentration camps. The summary isn’t really important…whatever…anyway, I
brought it home and my Mom asked me why I decided to buy that book.
I knew at a young age that I was
different. I didn’t really know why or how, but I knew. When my Mom asked me
that the answer came so easily. The answer made zero sense to me, I didn’t
really know what I was talking about but the words were there and I knew them
to be true. So my seven year old self looked at my mother and said:
“Momma, I am a reincarnated Jewish
person that died in the Holocaust.”
Needless to say, my Mom was a little
more than freaked out (although I give her credit, she didn’t let me know she
was freaked…she just brushed it off with an, “Oh, okay.”)
I had no idea what the Holocaust was
at age seven, I don’t think I started learning about it until I was in third or
fourth grade. I read every book I came across about it though. Number the
Stars, Behind the Bedroom Wall, Hide and Seek. Every report I did in middle and
high school was on the Holocaust. I was (as someone once put it) ’morbidly
obsessed’ with the Holocaust. Once I got old enough to understand what the
Holocaust was I talked to my parents about everything. Why I thought what I
thought, what I believed etc. I have had several conversations with them about
it.
10th grade curriculum at
my school involved watching Schindler’s List. I don’t know if you have ever
watched Schindler’s List before…if not you should. Great movie, really friggin
sad. Anyway, due to the fact there is full nudity in that movie (male and
female) we had to have our parents sign permission slips to watch it. I had no
problem getting my parents to sign it. I brought it home, set it in front of my
Mom and said, “Sign this, it’s a permission slip to watch Schindler’s List at
school.” She signed it and said, “I was wondering when you were going to ask to
see this, I’m surprised we didn’t watch it when you were 10 and not in 10th
grade.” My Mom knows me so well. Anyway, again not the point…moving on….
The day comes, it’s a long movie so
it was pretty much an all day even at school. I was excited as all get out to
watch it. My friends all knew about my “morbid obsession” so they were picking
on me a bit, “Are you sure you’re in the right movie, Rach? The kids without
permission slips are down the hall. Are you sure you didn’t sign up to watch a
Disney movie?” I zoned out of life during the whole thing. Completely absorbed
in the film. Near the end of the movie there is a group of people that begin
praying in Hebrew. I was watching it, totally not paying attention to anyone
else in the room when my friend poked me in the arm. I pulled my eyes away from
the screen, looked at them and went, “Hmm?” They had this minorly freaked out
look on their face so I said, “What?”
“What are you doing?” they asked.
“Iiiiiii’m watching the movie…”
“No, no….Rachel…you were talking…in
Hebrew…exactly what they were saying when they said it…you were praying in
Hebrew….”
“Oh…weird…I dunno” And I looked back
at the screen.
I’ve watched the movie since then
and tried to do the same thing but I can’t. I can’t make my mouth say the stuff
right, I can’t remember what they said…Nada. But apparently I did that day all
zoned out.
I have gone to church a few times in
the recent past. I am very uncomfortable
with being in church… I don’t really feel that is where I belong. “Jesus talk”
freaks me out. I believe in God but I don’t believe in Jesus in the Lord and
Savior way. I have considered being baptized a few times but never looked into
it because I feel it would be lying to myself if I did. Like I told my Mom, I
believe I am a reincarnated Jewish person that died in the Holocaust. My most
recent past life soul was Jewish…I remember this now so I can’t bring myself to
be baptized a Christian if the very core of my being is Jewish. Also,
throughout my life I have actually had dreams about lives prior to WWII. I
remember four, maybe a fifth. But none are as clear as the Holocaust one.
My belief in the afterlife goes a
little something like this: You live a life, you go to heaven or hell depending
on how you lived that life. If you go to hell…sorry the train stops there, end
of the line: you’re stuck. If you did something bad enough in this lifetime you
don’t get another chance (I think there are some crimes that are
unforgivable…if you rape and kill a baby you are screwed. Have fun in hell…but
that’s my personal opinion.) If you go to heaven I believe that you get to stay
there forever if you want. If you feel you want another go around, God gives
you that chance. For me there are 100 year plus gaps in the past life memories
I have except for the one between WWII and now. I think that in all my other
lives I chose to stay in heaven for a while. Wait until all my family was up
there too, have a big blow out party…putz around for a few decades and then go
again. I think that when I was in WWII I only stayed in heaven a short while
because lets face it…Holocaust…Jewish…most of my family from that life was
probably up there around the same time. So I chose to come a little sooner,
that life got jipped (I think I was early 20s when I died) I wanted to go
again.
I’ve also met people I
knew before. I meet them and there is something so damn familiar about them.
The ‘magic’ happens when they feel the same too, also believe in reincarnation
and can remember past lives….so a very interesting conversation occurs and you
figure out when and how and….well…it is very surreal to say the least.
I don’t necessarily believe in Karma
in the reincarnation sense…like if you are a horrible human being you are gonna
come back as a dog (although I am 99% convinced my Pug was a human in the past
life….or a cat….or maybe both I dunno….. He is one strange dog.) I believe that what
goes around comes around. If you do something shitty to someone eventually
something shitty is gonna happen right back. Karma is a pissy bitch on her
period….you mess with her and she will getcha. I don’t, however, believe in the
flip side…that if you do awesome things you will have something awesome happen
to you. I know too many awesome people that can’t catch a break to save their
lives….but I know a few assholes that got what was coming to them.
That is Rachelism in a nutshell.
Keep livin’ the dream!
~Turtle
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