The post where I discuss how being pregnant has made me even weirder than I already am.....

I got home from the grocery store today with an arm load of bags...

Adam: "What's all this?"
Me: "Food."
Adam: "Since when do you do grocery shopping???"
Me: "Since the alien in my belly told me I had to."

I feel the need to mention that I peed on a stick before I was even late. Why you ask. Because I ordered green peppers on my pizza. I am a pepperoni and ham person. Religiously. Creature of habit. Ham and pepperoni, pepperoni and ham. I ordered a personal pizza for lunch.... ham, pineapple, green pepper and red onion. It was delicious. When I got home from work I told Adam I had Hungry Howies for lunch. He said that sounded good so....for dinner I ordered two larges. One with pepperoni and bacon....the other with ham, green pepper and red onion. Something was up. (That combined with the fact that the chesticles had been screaming "NO TOUCHY" for nearly two weeks kinda made me wonder what the hell was going on.)

Besides the three positive pee sticks and the blood test telling me I am.....here are some of the other ways I am weirder now than I used to be (which is saying something...being normal is highly overrated).

You know you're pregnant when...
*you are standing in the baby section of Walmart and your eyes start leaking.
*you laugh so hard you cry watching a 34 second long video of baby goats (and you watch it repeatedly)
Video found here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_2_-i_cohMM
*you start to parannoy the SHIT out of yourself (parannoy.....annoyingly paranoid) "Hey, water bottle that I have never had a problem with before....do you have BPA or whatever...are you trying to kill us???? ANSWER ME!!!!!!!!!!"    "Hey, I am gonna wipe down my office.... hello, Clorox wipes that I use like its my job... lets get to work....wipey wipey wipey...wait...there is something about these things that I should be remembering.... OH SHIT BLEACH I AM BREATHING BLEACH FUMES OH MY GOD I AM KILLING THE SMALLISH CHILD SONOFABITCH!!!!!!"
*you randomly gag at the sight of something that, previously, had no effect on you whatsoever.
*you randomly gag at the smell of something that, previously, had no effect on you whatsoever.
*you randomly gag at the thought of something that, previously, had no effect on you whatsoever.
*you randomly gag for absolutely no reason at all whatsoever.
*you are asked by a coworker why you have a stink face on and you reply, "I am trying to not throw up on your boots."
*you catch yourself staring at babies....I mean REALLY staring at babies...and when you realize you are staring at a baby you hope to GOD the parental unit is not staring at you as you stare at their baby.
*you are so damn tired you can hardly stand it.....
*you go to four different stores looking for a certain type of cocoa butter cream because "this one doesn't smell right....that one doesn't smell right either..."
*your "seal has been permanently broken" because you pee ALL THE DAMN TIME
*you are scatterbrained and squirrely enough as it is but you LITERALLY forget the word 'chalkboard' and you have an impromptu game of Taboo with a coworker until they guess 'chalkboard?' and you say "YES! Thank you...good GOD that was ridiculous." They reply with, "Really? Already". You reply back that this might just be normal you......

I swear... I didn't know all the crazy started at 4-5 weeks. How is it that some women don't know they're pregnant until 8 weeks.... 10 weeks..... delivery....

I have gone from normal for me to ridiculous in less than a week. I was normal on Saturday....I ate green pepper infested pizza on Sunday...peed on a stick Monday...peed on two more and got a blood test Tuesday.....today is Thursday and I am weird.

Yep. The next 35ish weeks are gonna be a trip. Literally....they call me Murphy for a reason.....

The post where I write a letter to Navy Reservists that should not be in the Navy Reserves.....

Before I get to my letter I will say one thing and give a bit of a back story...

The one thing: I will not drop any name or rank in this post. If you read this and you think it is about you...then it might be...so stop being "that" person. Stop it. I don't like the fact I can write any of this. It sucks. "These" people make my life stressful. So, just stop, okay? Stop it. Stop being stupid.

The bit of a back story (extremely abbreviated...which is hard for me since I can turn "I saw a cat jump onto a chair" into "I saw this cat... It was white with an orange patch behind its left ear. Anyway...it was chillin' by this blue recliner. I walked by it and it eyeballed me. Seriously. It looked at me like, "Walk by me...I dare you." Etc etc etc...) Since I am trying to do an abbreviated version I am gonna do bullet point sentences... (This is soooooo hard.....)

Adam joined the Navy. I did too after he did. Recruiter said FTS was a good fit for me to be able to follow him around. Recruiter was wrong: Adam in Oklahoma and me in Pennsylvania. Nope. Get married. Adam in Oklahoma and me in Texas. More manageable. VR 59...FTS and SELRES (reservists). Good SELRES. Not so bad being FTS. Transfer to Oklahoma...finally with Adam. AWESOME. Work at NOSC Oklahoma City. Learn that VR 59  SELRES and NOSC SELRES are two different breeds. Not so awesome. Percentage breakdown of my experience with reservists... 50% VR 59 and 50% NOSC... out of the 50% at VR 59 about 45% were awesome and 5% were not. Out of the 50% at NOSC OKC... 25% are awesome and 25% are not. (That is an extremely generous breakdown considering there were roughly 60 SELRES at VR59 and roughly 400 at NOSC OKC...)

This letter is addressed to the extremely generous estimate of the 30% of reservists I have come across in my six and a half years in the military that have no business being a part of the Navy... a part of my Navy and/or those that think the Navy hit the lottery when they signed up.  Go fill out an IRR chit or retire like....yesterday. We don't need you.

Side note: a co worker of mine at one point in my career coined a term to describe the 30% of  the Navy Reservists this post is referring to... that term is: Nasty Reservist.

Like I said above in the "one thing"... if you are reading this and you are offended or think I am talking about you...you are probably who this post is about and you should knock that shit off. If you know someone who is a reservist and you are reading this and thinking to yourself, "I think I know someone she is talking about...." you are probably correct. If you share this with them and they are all upset... then you were right. (This probably doesn't just apply to the Navy either....if you are in another branch and are familiar with reserves...apply this to your world too... hell...you might be able to apply it to active duty military....or if you aren't in the military you can probably change the terms and whatnot and apply it to your workplace... Sad fact, isn't it?)

And I say again...not gonna say names or ranks. I will refer to any specific examples with "Petty Officer Schmuckatelly"  (PO Schmuck as a short version) for everyone. Could be an E3....could be an O4. PO Schmuck period. That way no one can come across this and be all like "PS2 said this about me". Nope. I said it about PO Schmuck and you decided it was about you....which means you are stupid. Stop being stupid.

Dear Nasty Reservist,

Did you know I like to rewrite songs? It is true. I will take a song...keep the melody and rewrite the lyrics. Have you ever heard the song titled "Royals"? It is by Lorde. If not...here is a link so you can educate yourself:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nlcIKh6sBtc

After a particularly annoying week at work I rewrote the lyrics to that song.... Consider this an Ode to You...

I've never seen a war zone in real life
I sit on my couch and eat chips with my wife.
But you best believe it's true
On Veterans Day...I'm in the Navy

And every drill I'm like, "Travel claims and where the hell's my base pay?
I need to reschedule my drill day
I'm not there...I've got Bedlam on my big TV."
But then the staff is like, "Nope, don't think so. You are on the DINQ list.
Credit card and you need to get flu mist
Get in here...or you will have an UNSAT year."

I'm a Nasty Reservist.
Don't wanna do one single thing
Only work two weeks a year
Tagged for MOBs my biggest fear
Did you say it's time to muster?
We did that like five hours ago
Oh man this is lame, it's lame, so lame
Rather play a video game.

Got GMTs on NKO
I'll find someone who will do them for me
'Cause everyone who knows me knows
I am lazy....but still want my money

And every drill I'm like, "Hey, RESPAY, why haven't I been paid yet?
Training needs to submit my request chit."
They don't know I shoulda done it like three months ago
But then the staff is like, "Nope, don't think so. You can't go on travel.
You owe us a PRT and eval
To be blunt....go to medical it's your birth month."

I'm a Nasty Reservist.
Never do what I'm supposed to do
No security clearance for me
Got a DUI in 2003
Did you say it's time for sweepers?
You mean I gotta use a broom?
That's not fair, not fair, not fair
Gonna hide out over there.

No, no. No, no noooo no I'm not gonna sweep a thing
You can't make me do one single thing....

No, no. No, no nooooooooo no I don't really even care
So you take that broom over there...

I'm a Nasty Reservist.
Got no military bearing.
Wrinkled uniform that I wear
Can't get me to cut my hair
Did you say that drill is over?
Oh, thank God it is time to go.
I'm so gone, so gone, I'm gone...
Drill Weekend is such a yawn...

I hope you enjoyed my song. When some of you come into my office and ask me the same question for the billionth time and then, after I explain it to you for the billionth time, you have the gall to ask me, "Can you just do it for me?"... I sing that song to myself in my head while I respectfully tell you no. Sometimes I cave....but that isn't because I want to take the time out of my day to do your stuff for you... I cave because you don't stop nagging and I don't want to hear your mouth anymore. I once had PO Schmuck ask me to do a travel claim. I handed them the written instructions (which, by the way, I wrote myself Barney style). PO Schmuck looked at me, looked at the instructions and then back at me and said, "I'm a Seabee...I'm not gonna be able to follow all this...can't you just do it for me?"  I didn't cave on that one but I did appreciate the fact that PO Schmuck essentially called themselves stupid. I calmly told them to give it a try and if they really didn't understand I would help them. It took them about an hour but they came back with the finished product. I said, "That wasn't so bad was it?" They said it was. I rolled my eyes after they left.

Some of you think that you can walk all over the staff and that we were put into the Navy to be your personal assistants. Some of you look at the staff like we are idiots and can't do things right and LORD HELP US if we don't remember a conversation we had three weeks ago verbatim. Yes....because you are the most important person we come across...the ONLY person we talk to EVER. We should kneel and kiss your feet because we are lucky enough to be in your presence. When I see you walk through the door I day dream about the day I am a civilian again and I happen to come across you at some point and I tell you what a shitty person you are. YOU are the reason I am so good at biting my tongue. (Literally...I have literally bit my own flesh to stop myself from saying something I shouldn't.)

Just because some of you are of a higher rank does not mean we can change the INSTRUCTIONS to convenience you....

PO Schmuck: I got my travel claim back but I didn't get my baggage tips reimbursed...
Me: Baggage tips are only reimbursable when you are having official gear moved for official business.
PO Schmuck: Well I had them carry my laptop bag and my briefcase.
Me: That doesn't count. It is for things like gear boxes that were shipped or something like that.
PO Schmuck: Well then why is there even a choice for baggage tips?
Me: For the times that it is official gear. It is in the JFTR
PO Schmuck: Well....can't you just reimburse them this time?
Me: No. It is in the JFTR.

Next travel claim we get we take the baggage tips off again because YOU DON'T LISTEN TO MY WORDS!!!! And then you call AGAIN and we have the SAME DAMN CONVERSATION. News flash....no matter how many times you ask to have us make an exception to something that is clearly written in an instruction...the answer is not gonna change. You are wasting my time. Stop it.

There are some of you that I have initiated an EQIP application on....more than once... I start it. You don't do it. I start it. You don't do it. I start it. You don't do it. Then...when your unit is like, "You need a clearance....why don't you have a clearance?" ... you are soooooo quick to point your finger at me and say I need to start it for you. Um? Excuse me? DO NOT turn around and blame me for something I tried to get you to do on more than one occasion. I regret to inform you that FTS does not mean Full Time Sitter....it means Full Time Support and there is only so much support I can give before I give up.

You signed a statement of understanding that says you understand that you are responsible for the balance on your GOVCC. That means if your travel claim doesn't pay off your card...you have to pay the rest of it. And stop telling me that you will pay it and yet you are still on my damn DINQ report. I am no longer interested in your words. Pay your damn card off before I ADSEP you. I don't care if you have been in the military for over half of my life or you have been in the military since breakfast. I am all done trying to help you out because after a certain point it is no longer your ass on the line.....it is mine. I WILL NOT get in trouble because you're an idiot.

Have I made mistakes before? Yes. I am a human. Sometimes it is hard for me to keep 400 people straight and sometimes I drop something. Do you know how many emails I get per day?  I had almost 400 emails in my inbox when I got back from two and a half weeks of leave. If you email me or call me and I tell you I will do something and a week or so passes and it wasn't done....ask me about it before you go blasting me to my chain of command. Sometimes I have several people asking me for the same thing and I think I did it but I forgot one. Sorry. Seriously....ask me about it. I will be the first one to admit that it was my fault. I, on more than one occasion, have said, "That is totally my fault. I dropped the ball on that. Not gonna lie, I forgot to do it." Don't go straight to Senior Chief or the XO or the CO. Do you know how shitty it is to have to tell the CO you forgot to do something? It is not fun. It isn't fun to tell YOU I forgot something but hell....start at the source of your frustration...don't go tattling. All that makes me do is resent seeing your name in my inbox or your number pop up on my phone.

I may or may not have played "nose goes not it" when you call.

I don't mind the Navy. I don't mind my job. It isn't that difficult. But you make me stressed out. You are the main reason I dread going to work. Which one of you is gonna cause a problem? If I can make it to the end of the day and I haven't had to deal with you....it was a good day. Some of you I would like to cuss out and rant and tell you how fucking stupid and irritating you are. But I can't. And it sucks. STOP BEING THAT PERSON! I would much rather happily answer my phone every time it rings instead of have to prepare myself for whatever entitled and/or ridiculous words come out of your facehole.

There are many other examples I could use. I could rant for days. But instead I am going to tell you who you SHOULD be like...

There are some people that are an absolute joy to work with. They genuinely want to know how to do things so they can teach others. They come to drill and work their asses off and are sorry because they can't do more to help. They hate having to ask questions because they think they are bugging us. They understand that they aren't the only person we come in contact with and they actually care about us. Keeping 400 people straight is not easy. They get that. They are never on my DINQ list. They get upset when they are on ANY list. Some of you honestly don't give a shit what list you're on. You hide from training. You hide from sweepers. You sleep in empty rooms when you are supposed to be at a meeting. I know this...because I have made a couple of you pee yourselves a little when I woke you up. Oh I'm sorry...did I scare you? Shame, really.

This letter could go on...and on and on and on....

Moral of the story: STOP BEING A DOUCHE.

Love,

PS2

P.S. If anyone that has read this and knows it is about them.... you can redeem yourself. Start wearing the uniform with pride and stop thinking you are just playing dress up. You're irritating...but you can stop being irritating and maybe one day you will call and I will smile when I see your number.

The post where I talk about a decade of love...

On January 7th, 2004 a rusted up, shitty Chevy S10 pickup rumbled up the driveway at good ol' 10320 Freeman Rd.  It was the day before my 18th birthday and this guy I liked had come to take me out to dinner and a movie. I had my hair in two braids (more like a seven year old than a seventeen year old but whatever..it was my style), had on a black turtleneck sweater with sewn on patches (very Avril Lavigne), baggy wide leg jeans (I could literally put both legs in one leg on those. I LOVED those pants), my lucky socks (the ones with the frogs on them that I wore under a pair of white socks at every single band competition through high school) and black Vans skater shoes. I was nervous. I had never actually been on a date before. Not a real one anyway. The guy came to the door and asked my Mom how she was and what time I had to be home by and then we were off. I looked at my Mom all wide eyed as I walked out the door. I was going on a date.and it was before I turned 30!! (I was lucky my Dad was away on business...)

 So.who was that fellow with the shoddy truck in need of a new muffler, you ask?

 Adam. 10 years ago today..well this evening anyway. Adam picked me up and took me on our first date for my 18th birthday. I don't remember where we went to dinner (if I pull my diary out of the attic I could tell you.Lord knows I recorded every damn second of the evening as soon as I got home) but I do remember we went to the movies after. We watched Paycheck with Ben Affleck.  I can remember what area of the theater we sat in (although I don't think the theater exists anymore. I am pretty sure we went to the one in the Lockport Mall. RIP Lockport Mall). At some point throughout the evening he asked me to go out with him.

 Pause story.

 The phrase, "Going out" has always been sort of a joke in the Robinson household.  I would fill my parents in on the latest Medina High gossip on a regular basis and whenever I would say something along the lines of, ".and now she is going out with him" I would always get the same response.

 "Going out? Where are they going? They don't have a car. How are they going to get to where they are going?"

 So then I would (every single time) explain that they weren't necessarily going anywhere. They were dating..or as my parents liked to say, "Going steady."

  Resume story.

 When he asked me if I would go out with him my initial thought was, "We are out," but I didn't want to confuse him with my Robinson humor quite yet and I didn't want him to think I didn't understand what he meant.so I smiled and said, "Sure."

 And then.. On January 14th, 2004. I broke up with him.

 Here is a piece of advice if anyone reading this is single or in a new relationship.. Your friends mean well when they run their mouths to you about all the things they have heard about the person you are beginning to date or whatever. But that is all it is.things they have heard. Don't buy into all the rumors and decide to not figure it all out on your own and form your own opinions. Did my friends run their mouths to me about all the things they heard about Adam? You bet your ass they did. Did I listen? Yep.  But luckily I decided maybe he wasn't as bad as they were all saying and maybe I should give him a chance and ignore my friends. Even luckier was that he broke one of his rules when I told him I was sorry and I was dumb and made a mistake.he had a rule that he wouldn't date someone a second time that broke up with him..but he agreed that I was dumb and gave me another chance.

 So.on January 23rd , 2004 we started dating again.

 Now, it would be a lie if some of the rumors my friends told me didn't have a bit of truth to them. One of my friends lit into me about Adam while in the hallway by the cafeteria during period change. The spot we were in was PACKED with people swarming out of the cafeteria and people coming out of both hallways into the lobby. I don't know if it was because of the noise level in that area or the fact she really wanted to get her point across but she was telling me what a bad idea it was for me to date him and I was trying to tell her he wasn't so bad. She stopped walking, turned towards me, grabbed the leg of my bright red pants, gave it a hard shake and yelled, "HE IS ONLY WITH YOU BECAUSE HE WANTS TO GET IN YOUR PANTS!!!" Everyone in the lobby stopped talking and I turned the color of my bright red pants.  That was January 14th. I broke up with him that night.

 The bit of truth to that one is a bit more complicated than a 20 year old man and raging hormones. You see... our entire relationship began on a $10.00 bet.

 I can hear the gears in your head turning as you try to process and understand what I mean. I'll explain it for you.

 One of my closest friends now is Nickie Poler.  Nickie was dating one of Adam's buddies back then and Adam and I were in the "hold hands at the bowling alley but put them under the table so my Mom doesn't see" Fall 2003 stage in our relationship (she saw, by the way..ten years later and she still picks on us for it). Adam was talking to Nickie's boyfriend, Brandon, about how he kinda liked me. Nickie popped into the conversation right quick..

 Nickie: "Rachel? Rachel Robinson? Pfffft..there is no way. She's a prude, dude. There is no way."
Adam: "You don't know that."
Nickie: "Um..yeah. I do.. Ten bucks says you won't be able to nail her."

Adam was all.. CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!

How romantic. Doesn't that story just make you get all weepy and lovey dovey? :::Eye roll::: I (obviously) did not know about this bet until much, much later. I think we were engaged before I found out our love was born from a ten dollar wager.

I was pretty much a prude. I hadn't done anything except kiss a guy before. And I am not even talking make out kiss.I am talking, "Okay, bye Grandma, see you next Sunday" type smooch.  I always told myself that I wasn't gonna give up my V-card to someone unless I was in love with them.  So Adam had to wait a good long while to win that bet.

 However, we were talking last night and I was teasing him about the bet and I asked him, "When did you know I was more than just a bet?"
He said, "I know the right answer to this question."
I laughed, "You know the right answer, or the real answer?"
"Both.same moment..same answer."

He then told me that there was a night when we were at a party and all these girls kept telling me that Adam had slept with someone else. Just being catty, trouble starting bitches. I asked him about it and said he hadn't done it and I believed him and ignored the catty bitches. He said that was the moment that he realized he wanted to make me more than just the bet because I trusted him enough to ignore the rumors. An added bonus was that this realization came BEFORE the bet was won. He lurved me.

Oh.by the way. Nickie still owes him $10.00.

 That was just the first instance of a long list of things that some of our friends and co-workers think is "strange" about our relationship.  I was told he cheated on me.he told me he didn't.I believed him.  Boom. Done. Trust. If you can't start a relationship built on a solid foundation of trust what the hell are you building it for? While he was stationed in Oklahoma and I was in Texas he had a two bedroom apartment with a friend. That friend's name is Angela. Yes.my husband lived with another woman for the majority of a three year span and I was totally okay with it because I knew and trusted nothing was gonna happen.  There are so soooooo many other things about us that others fine odd. But it works for us..it is us. We trust each other and if that is "strange" then I feel sad for the people that don't have that.

Sometime in February of 2004 Adam said he had to tell me something. He said that he had promised himself when he was younger that he would not say, "I love you" to anyone he was in a relationship until his wedding day. He told me that other girls had broken up with him for it because they would say it and he wouldn't say it back. He said that he had seen a lot of instances throughout his life that made him believe the phrase was used way too liberally and that when he finally did say it he wanted it to have real meaning behind it. I told him I was okay with that because he was explaining it and that I hoped he didn't mind if I said it to him because when I did fall in love with him I wanted him to know and I didn't have the same feelings about when to say it like he did. He said it was fine as long as I didn't expect to hear it back. I told him that he was right, they were just words and if he ended up falling in love with me he could show me instead of tell me.

That is why our song is "More Than Words" by Extreme.

I did say it, eventually. We were standing by my car in the driveway at the Shelby house and I was getting ready to go home. He was leaning against the passenger door and we were talking and I said I wanted to tell him something but I wasn't sure if I should or not. He told me I could tell him anything. So I did. I said, "I love you." He smiled and pulled me too him for a hug, kissed my forehead and said, "I know you do."

There were a few times he said something very close to "that three word phrase". Always very casually in a conversation we were having and I never acknowledged it happened or said, "OMG, what did you just say????" Example (the first time it was said): I said something one day about buying a box of hair dye because it had been a few years since I dyed my hair and I was getting bored with it. He said, "Nahh, don't do that. I love you the way you are." To which I replied, "But the way I am is boring me." (Inside I was soaring.I could have totally had a freak out SQUEEEE moment but I didn't. I didn't want him to think he broke his promise to himself so I was very non-chalant on the outside.)

Adam proposed to me on January 21st, 2006 and he still hadn't said "I love you" directly. Something that people who knew the story just couldn't understand. ("Wait.you said yes to marriage but he hasn't said he loves you yet? Seriously??")  We went to Canada with some friends to celebrate our two year anniversary  and he proposed by Niagara Falls. His proposal was epic and abso-frickin-lutely PERFECT. We were all dressed to go to the club..it was January and really friggin' cold..annnndddd Adam insisted we stop at the Falls first.

Me: "Dude. it is dark out. We won't be able to see the falls."
Adam: "We are stopping at the falls."
Me: "We aren't really dressed to go look at the falls in the middle of January."
Adam: "We are going to the falls."
Me: "But it's cold."
Adam: "We are going. We are. We're going."
Me: "Alright.."

So we get to the falls.. Baba the limo driver parks in a parking lot and the six of us pile out and walk in our skimpy clubbin' clothes to the railing. We could hear the falls but we couldn't see them. Adam said he wanted to give me my anniversary gift before we went to the club. He handed me a pink gift bag. I opened it and pulled out a small cardboard box..the kind that a ring box would be in. My heart started pounding. I looked at my two friends that were standing nearby and they both had identical, "Holy shit" faces on. I looked at Adam and he said, "Well.open it."

So I lifted the lid off and inside the box there was a piece of paper. My first thought was, "Paper! I can handle paper! I like paper!" I pulled the paper out and unfolded it. The first couple of lines said how Christmas had just passed and he didn't have a whole lot of extra cash and he knew I really liked it when he wrote me letters and stuff. Then it said read the rest out loud.

I did. It was a poem and it was awesome.  I read all the way down and the last stanza was missing the last line. I looked up at him and he stared at me for a few seconds, reached his hand back to his cousin Brett who handed him something from his pocket (sneaky sneaky) and knelt down on one knee.

He finished the poem. The missing line was, "Rachel Robinson, will you marry me?"

Let me tell you all something..if you even have a big event happening and you don't have the ability to get a photographer...buy some disposable cameras (you know..the wind and click kind.) and hire Brett Bielak to be your shutterbug. That man can work a wind and click camera like the frickin' paparazzi. Seriously.

 Needless to say...I said yes.

October 27th, 2007. We were both in the Navy at this point. Both in Pensacola for school and a couple of weeks prior we had found out that he was going to go to Tinker AFB in Oklahoma City and I was going to go to Willow Grove, Pennsyl-frickin-vania. Um.no thanks. The only way they could get me closer than that was if we were married. We hadn't planned on a courthouse style wedding but I was not going to frickin' Pennsyl-tucky. Nope. I also refused to get married in a court house. So.we got married on the beach. And 27 is my favorite number so I was super happy it fell on a Saturday. (And..by the wonderful invention of the leap year it fell on a Saturday  five years later when we did our big white wedding vow renewal deal. )

 That chilly day in October.standing on the beach at sunset. the pastor we had found to marry us said, "I now pronounce you husband and wife.you may kiss the bride". Adam leaned forward, kissed me, leaned back, smiled and said, "I love you."

Yup. He lurves me. I lurve him back a lottle. Our weirdness compliments each other and our opposite-ness is fantastic. We have our moments where we annoy the shit out of each other and piss each other off. That is when we don't like each other very much. We never say we hate each other when we are mad. My most used phrase at the end of an argument.right before I decide we are getting nowhere and I am gonna walk away before we start repeating our strong opinions over and over at a higher volume level is this: "I love you...but right now I don't like you very much at all." Sometimes I skip all the wordi-ness and go with, "I don't like you right now." To which he responds with, "Yeah, I don't like you right now, either."

You don't gotta like your spouse all the time..but you gotta love them always. I love mine, always.

 Especially on Tuesdays.

The post where I discuss the fact I have started writing my novel…

Yep. It happened. I sat down on January 1^st and wrote the first section or chapter or whatever the hell you want to call it. Then, on January 2^nd I read it…said, “This is shitty” and rewrote the first section or chapter or whatever the hell you want to call it. I read that back and said, “Still shitty.”

It is gonna be a long and painful process. Like really painful…

There is a quote by E. L. Doctorow that I am quite fond of… “Writing is a socially acceptable form of schizophrenia.”  E. L. Doctorow hit the nail on the head with that one because I feel very much like someone with multiple personalities.  Seriously. These characters have been beating up the inside of my brain since 2007. Now that I am actually beginning their story they won’t shut up. It is like a permanent party in my brain space. When I sleep I dream about them. It is maddening.

They aren’t the first characters to live in my head. In high school there was a whole different book be-boppin’ around up there.  They still come to visit every once in a while but their almost see through now. Like my disinterest in finishing their story is making them fade away. It almost makes me feel like a murderer knowing that they used to be “living, breathing beings” and they will never have their story told and will die when I die. It is sad…but their story wasn’t the one I am meant to write. This one though….this one is the one.

The part that is gonna be so damn hard is keeping the friggin story line straight. There are so many damn complicated twists and turns. I would love to sit down with J. K. Rowling or Dan Brown or Jodi Picoult and just pick their brains. I almost get a headache when I think about how crazy it is gonna be to do this and how much I don’t wanna screw it up.

Also… writing a blog post is easy for me. (For one I don’t give two shits about grammar and correct anything when I am babbling in this blog.) When I read back posts I am quite satisfied with what I have put down. The fact that my “blog style” and my “book style” are on two different ends of the Rachel’s Writing Spectrum is frustrating.  Writing six pages, reading them back and thinking they suck…sucks.

Okay….that is enough whining for now….lunch break is over. Time to get back to work and be a productive PS2… blarg.  

The post where I discuss 2013 and make plans for 2014

2013.

I turned 27 in 2013.

I like odd numbers.

27 is my favorite number and so I decided that 2013 had to be the best year ever because I was 27 and 13 is an odd number. (Don't mess with my logic.....just roll with it.)

I am also a procrastinator....so I am justifying the fact that age 27 during the odd year of 2013 was so not the best year ever by saying I procrastinated til age 28 in 2014.

Again.....don't mess with my logic. It works for me so roll with it.

I did lose weight in 2013. A good amount of weight. February 22 - November 22 I lost 38 pounds. Not the 50 pounds I wanted to but I started late and I decided I was actually gonna enjoy the Thanksgiving and Christmas food fests.

Lets review 2013's Resolutions shall we?

Oh yeah....we can't... I found the list a few weeks ago while cleaning out the office and laughed as I read all the crap I planned on doing....but didn't. Oops.

2013...

I paid off my car.... Good!
Lap top broke.... Bad.
Adam saved all my files.... Good!
Tablet broke... Bad.
Lost 38 pounds... Good!
Have Achilles Tendonitis.... Bad.
Helped out a friend... Good!
Got so unbelievably SCREWED OVER by that friend.... Bad.


There is a long story to that last one. One I might write out and explain one day while using fake names so the identity of said shithead is protected.... because I am a nice person. Lets just say Adam and I are out roughly $4,000 for six months of trying to help someone down on their luck. Just writing that little bit makes me want to punch something. Moving on...

I wanted to finish writing a good chunk of my book and didn't. Wanted to finally choose a major and start back up with school and didn't. Wanted to be a better wife and wasn't. Wanted to have a good savings account built up and don't. Etc.

I wanted to lose weight and I did. 38 lbs. I wanted to be more social and I am trying..joined a bowling league and I do see my friends more often than last year....not by much but I am trying. I wanted to get back into coaching and I did...two fold. Two teams in one season is kid of a pain in the ass.  I was apparently voted onto the board here too.... THAT should be interesting. Wanted to figure out my finances and bills and I have...I have a ways to go before I am where I want to be but at least I have a plan.

Then there is work... Shit went down in July and that snowball hasn't stopped rolling yet.

Summary... 2013 was 75% suck and 25% good.

So....2014.... I s'pose I will make my semi-realistic resolutions in a public forum...

1. As always... the resolution I have made every year since I was like..... six... I will stop biting my nails. (I probably won't. But after over two decades of saying it every year it just seems wrong to not include it.)

2. I'll drop 20 more lbs. (Did 38 in nine months....why not another 20?) Granted I have not discovered how much I gained back during the Thanksgiving and Christmas Food Fest so it may be like....30 but I digress)

3. I will write more. I'll write a bit on my book every week. Even if it is just a sentence or two. But I will have the in depth outline done by March 1st. I'll do a blog post twice a month....about what... I dunno.... I'll figure that out later.

4. I will work on crocheting more often this year. I have 9,000 balls of yarn and the best intentions but I never actually finish anything I start.

5. More of that being social crap. Do something with someone that doesn't live in my house at least bi-weekly.

6. Keep at least $50 of each paycheck squirreled away in a savings account....or a sock...or in a hole in the mattress. Whatever.

7. Pick a freakin' major for Christ's sake....and keep it. Lucky number five. It'll be my fifth major and probably my fifth college. Sigh.

8. Be a better wife. I am a moody bitch on a good day. I need to stop taking all my frustrations about things out on Adam. It isn't fair to him but I do it alllll the time.

9. Be more of a Susie Homemaker type. I hate cooking. But sometimes you gotta do shit you hate for those you love.

10. Ten is a combination of three things I want for myself that are personal and not for public knowledge. So the most I will say is: 1. I won't.......... 2. I'll stop.......... 3. If I................


Dear 2013,

Suck it.

Love, Rachel



Dear 2014,

Let's do this.

Love, Rachel



Keep livin' the dream!

~Turtle

The post where I tell you about Rachelism

I was standing in line at the CVS pharmacy a few days ago and this lady struck up a conversation with me. We chatted for a bit and then she asked me, “Have you accepted Jesus as your Lord and Savior?”

My usual response to this question is, “No. I believe in God but I don’t like going to church.” That usually makes the person try to convince me to go to church with them. Something I wholeheartedly do not want to do. So I then have to find a way to a) not be rude and b) end the conversation before I become rude.

This time was different though. She had such a sweet smile and was such a pleasant person to talk to that I didn’t say my standard answer.

I said, “I believe in God but that is where my ‘mainstream religion’ beliefs end. I like to think of myself as believing in Rachelism. I believe what I believe and it beyond that it doesn’t really matter.”

She nodded and had a thoughtful look on her face and was quiet for a few seconds and then she said, “You know what, honey…that is a truthful answer and that is okay. You spoke the truth and that is wonderful. Thank you.”

 

So what exactly is Rachelism you ask…

 

~Reincarnation, Heaven and Hell and Karma

When it comes to religion I have always believed in God to a certain extent. (The “certain extent” is not pertinent information for this story.) My parents bought me a book of children’s bible stories when I was three or four. I still have it actually (granted it is somewhere in the attic but it counts). My parents decided that they would teach me about religion and then let me decide for myself what I believed in. They are both Christian although they are not church going. My Mom’s theory is that God created the earth so why should she have to go to a man made building to talk to Him…she would rather go out to the woods and chill by a tree. I second that opinion. My Dad…I know the reason behind his dislike for church but that is his story…not mine… Anyway….they decided it would be up to me what I believed so I was never baptized.

I learned to read at a very early age. When I was in first grade and my friends were reading Dr. Seuss I was devouring short chapter books (I am a total bookworm). A book fair was going on at school so Mom stuck some money in my backpack and sent me on my merry way. I chose a book called Number the Stars. Short chapter book, easy to read. It is about a family…the daughter is friends with a Jewish girl during WWII. The friend is staying the night at their house when the Gestapo burst in. They manage to convince the police that she is their daughter, thus saving her from concentration camps. The summary isn’t really important…whatever…anyway, I brought it home and my Mom asked me why I decided to buy that book.

I knew at a young age that I was different. I didn’t really know why or how, but I knew. When my Mom asked me that the answer came so easily. The answer made zero sense to me, I didn’t really know what I was talking about but the words were there and I knew them to be true. So my seven year old self looked at my mother and said:

“Momma, I am a reincarnated Jewish person that died in the Holocaust.”

Needless to say, my Mom was a little more than freaked out (although I give her credit, she didn’t let me know she was freaked…she just brushed it off with an, “Oh, okay.”)

I had no idea what the Holocaust was at age seven, I don’t think I started learning about it until I was in third or fourth grade. I read every book I came across about it though. Number the Stars, Behind the Bedroom Wall, Hide and Seek. Every report I did in middle and high school was on the Holocaust. I was (as someone once put it) ’morbidly obsessed’ with the Holocaust. Once I got old enough to understand what the Holocaust was I talked to my parents about everything. Why I thought what I thought, what I believed etc. I have had several conversations with them about it.

10^th grade curriculum at my school involved watching Schindler’s List. I don’t know if you have ever watched Schindler’s List before…if not you should. Great movie, really friggin sad. Anyway, due to the fact there is full nudity in that movie (male and female) we had to have our parents sign permission slips to watch it. I had no problem getting my parents to sign it. I brought it home, set it in front of my Mom and said, “Sign this, it’s a permission slip to watch Schindler’s List at school.” She signed it and said, “I was wondering when you were going to ask to see this, I’m surprised we didn’t watch it when you were 10 and not in 10^th grade.” My Mom knows me so well. Anyway, again not the point…moving on….

The day comes, it’s a long movie so it was pretty much an all day even at school. I was excited as all get out to watch it. My friends all knew about my “morbid obsession” so they were picking on me a bit, “Are you sure you’re in the right movie, Rach? The kids without permission slips are down the hall. Are you sure you didn’t sign up to watch a Disney movie?” I zoned out of life during the whole thing. Completely absorbed in the film. Near the end of the movie there is a group of people that begin praying in Hebrew. I was watching it, totally not paying attention to anyone else in the room when my friend poked me in the arm. I pulled my eyes away from the screen, looked at them and went, “Hmm?” They had this minorly freaked out look on their face so I said, “What?”

“What are you doing?” they  asked.

“Iiiiiii’m watching the movie…”

“No, no….Rachel…you were talking…in Hebrew…exactly what they were saying when they said it…you were praying in Hebrew….”

“Oh…weird…I dunno” And I looked back at the screen.

 

I’ve watched the movie since then and tried to do the same thing but I can’t. I can’t make my mouth say the stuff right, I can’t remember what they said…Nada. But apparently I did that day all zoned out.

I have gone to church a few times in the recent past.  I am very uncomfortable with being in church… I don’t really feel that is where I belong. “Jesus talk” freaks me out. I believe in God but I don’t believe in Jesus in the Lord and Savior way. I have considered being baptized a few times but never looked into it because I feel it would be lying to myself if I did. Like I told my Mom, I believe I am a reincarnated Jewish person that died in the Holocaust. My most recent past life soul was Jewish…I remember this now so I can’t bring myself to be baptized a Christian if the very core of my being is Jewish. Also, throughout my life I have actually had dreams about lives prior to WWII. I remember four, maybe a fifth. But none are as clear as the Holocaust one.

My belief in the afterlife goes a little something like this: You live a life, you go to heaven or hell depending on how you lived that life. If you go to hell…sorry the train stops there, end of the line: you’re stuck. If you did something bad enough in this lifetime you don’t get another chance (I think there are some crimes that are unforgivable…if you rape and kill a baby you are screwed. Have fun in hell…but that’s my personal opinion.) If you go to heaven I believe that you get to stay there forever if you want. If you feel you want another go around, God gives you that chance. For me there are 100 year plus gaps in the past life memories I have except for the one between WWII and now. I think that in all my other lives I chose to stay in heaven for a while. Wait until all my family was up there too, have a big blow out party…putz around for a few decades and then go again. I think that when I was in WWII I only stayed in heaven a short while because lets face it…Holocaust…Jewish…most of my family from that life was probably up there around the same time. So I chose to come a little sooner, that life got jipped (I think I was early 20s when I died) I wanted to go again.

  I’ve also met people I knew before. I meet them and there is something so damn familiar about them. The ‘magic’ happens when they feel the same too, also believe in reincarnation and can remember past lives….so a very interesting conversation occurs and you figure out when and how and….well…it is very surreal to say the least.

I don’t necessarily believe in Karma in the reincarnation sense…like if you are a horrible human being you are gonna come back as a dog (although I am 99% convinced my Pug was a human in the past life….or a cat….or maybe both I dunno…..  He is one strange dog.) I believe that what goes around comes around. If you do something shitty to someone eventually something shitty is gonna happen right back. Karma is a pissy bitch on her period….you mess with her and she will getcha. I don’t, however, believe in the flip side…that if you do awesome things you will have something awesome happen to you. I know too many awesome people that can’t catch a break to save their lives….but I know a few assholes that got what was coming to them.

 

That is Rachelism in a nutshell.

 

Keep livin’ the dream!

 

~Turtle

The post where I tell you 25 random and useless facts about me

Once upon a time there was a "survey note craze" on Facebook. Those long ass Q&A things that you would fill out when you were hella bored and had nothing else better to do....and then you tagged friends that would read yours answers then fill out their answers when they were hella bored and had nothing else better to do... and then they tagged their friends....etc etc etc.  Well in January 2009 Aislinn tagged me in a "25 Things About Me" note... whiiiiiich I filled out when I was hella bored and had nothing else better to do.

I recently remembered that "notes" on Facebook existed and I read through the ones I had posted. The "25 Things" was the last one I read. Some of them are still valid.... others make me laugh and need to be changed or elaborated on....

So without further ado.... 25 Things About Turtle...

(Original in black.... edits in red and new facts in blue.)

1. I miss high school, I would never want to go back but I miss the simplicity of it and I miss band. I bought a keyboard a few weeks ago and I found that I am beginning to forget how to read music. I almost cried.

   I don't miss high school... so this one shall be replaced. I miss the memories....it was simple but you couldn't pay me to go back. I miss the memories of band. I re-taught myself how to read music so no more tears there.

  I may have got past high school but I have still kept my "social butterfly" persona. Instead of "band geeks, jocks, popular kids and loners" the "cliques" I am friend with now are "hippies, bikers, military and southerners". :-p 

2. I believe in reincarnation. I know exactly who and what I was in my most recent past life and I know snippets of lives way before now.

   This is still 100% true. I have known this since I was in first grade. High school made me afraid to tell people and express my beliefs because I didn't want anyone to think I was "weird" (teenagers are judge-y bitches)... But now.... it is who I am and I will tell anyone and everyone. I'm no longer scurred.

3. I have an intense fear of 18 wheeler trucks. I will pull my car over on the highway and wait for them to thin out if there is a lot of them on the road at once. I do have a reason though, my Mom and I were almost smashed into a cement wall by one when I was little. Lucky for us we were in her camero and the back of the truck passed right over the hood of the car.

   This is still 2,000% true. I hate driving when there are big rigs all around me....makes me wanna throw up in my mouth a little.

4. I fiddle with my necklace or ring when I am nervous. If I am trying not to fiddle when I am talking to people then I stick my thumbs in the front pockets of my pants or in a hoodie pocket.

   I also look annnyyyywhere other than people's faces. The ceiling....the floor...the wall...

5. I personally believe that people in Texas (or really anywhere in the south) can't drive...or read...if a sign says "lane ends merge right" it doesn't mean please stay in the left lane until the last possible second then get pissed when I wont let you in. Oh...and when it is 25 degrees and was sleeting the previous night "caution, bridge may be icy in cold weather" means the bridge probably will be icy...so dont go 70 mph and then wonder why your car is skidding sideways..duh.
   Truth.

6. I want to open a daycare/preschool when I get out of the Navy.

   No longer valid. I love kids but I have found that 90% of smallish children annoy the shit out of me.

   I want to open my own photography business when I get out of the Navy. Turtle's Photography. I have loved taking photos since the sixth grade Boston trip. I also want to be a published author.

7. I want to have a book on the New York Times Best Seller List.

   Truth. I am working on it too. I'm the next J. K. Rowling dammit!

8. I am addicted to harrypotterfanfiction.com.

   I don't think I have been on that site since 2009.... sooooooo nope.

   I am addicted to youtube.com. And buzzfeed.com. And of course facebook.com.

9. I am finally getting used to being away from home. It doesn't make it any easier and I still get homesick a lot but I am finally to the point where I can actually save up my leave days and not go home every few months.

   I am 100% used to being away from home. I only go home once a year now.

   The Furry Mafia...Midnight Mamma Dog, Mooshie the Squishy Face, Missy the Old Lady (R.I.P)...the temporary members, Moby and Kiara...and the honorary members, Ziggy, Annie, Noxie, Bear etc.... They are my loves and protectors. They own me. Hahaha.

10. I live with the best people in the state of Texas. I have my own little southern family. Even if they do say Ya'll...alll the time.

   I no longer live in Texas. But the people I lived with then (Megan and Brandon) are my Texas family. I lived with Vinney and her family for a while while in Texas too and they are my Palauan family.

Living in Oklahoma would scare the shit out of me if I didn't have Adam. Seriously. I like to think I am an independent person and would be okay on my own but if I didn't have him to calm me down and explain shit to me when I am in full out freak out mode ("No...the tornado isn't headed for us...this is why..."  "No...that spider isn't poisonous...this is why..." "No...that asshole isn't gonna rob us....I'll shoot him..." ) I would not be okay here at all.

11. I can't wait to have smallish chidren of my very own. I want to be a Mommy.
   Truth.

12. I used to love to entertain people and make them laugh. When I was little I was hyper and crazy and loud because I made people laugh and it was amazing to me. Now that I am older I have become such a shy person. Now when I make people laugh or have to get up in front of people I blush six shades of red and wonder what I did to make them laugh and how can I make them stop.

   Also truth.

13. I have found love and it is an amazing experience. In high school I had a lot of guy friends but never really any boy friends. Crushes...oh yes, I had crushes...but no boy friends. Adam was my first serious boyfriend and I hit it off with the first one. 5 years and still going strong :-)

   Nine years now. I love the boything.

14. I am the ONLY third class petty officer in the entire Navy that has the job that I have. I am the Command Career Counselor Assistant and in March I will be a fully qualified Career Counselor and I will get to wear the badge and everything. Normally you have to be at least a second class to be able to do that but my Master Chief decided I could handle the responsibility as a third. Go me!

   Well pin a rose on my bragging nose. I don't think many thirds were Assistant CCC but I highly doubt I was the only one. Sheesh....I thought I was the cat's pajamas back then.

   Being stationed at a NOSC has made me more (respectfully) vocal. I have never in my 27 years on earth been comfortable enough to (respectfully) tell someone they are a dumbass. Unless I outrank them....then I just tell them that they are a dumbass. (There are only so many times you can explain the same thing to a person before you just can't do it anymore.)


15. If you couldn't tell by number 14...I have no use for commas or grammatical correctness....or correct spelling. I make up words like it is my job. When I am working on my book I do...when I think about it anyway...but mostly I use a lot of... and the word and...over and over and over and over again.
   ...Sounds about right...

16. Dr. Pepper is the necture of the gods...unless it is Dublin Dr. Pepper...then I pour if out in disgust and go back to the store. I have actually pulled all the bottles of Dr. Pepper out of the cooler until I found one that wasn't bottled in Dublin.
   I still love me some D. P. but I have expanded my liquid love beyond 23 flavors. (Dublin D.P. still sucks.)

   I have a ridiculous memory if it is something I am interested in. Random ass songs from my childhood...check. Random ass poems from my childhood.....check. The entire Kings Tutorial for EAWS....check (in one night....I memorized almost all of the EAWS Kings Tutorial because I had one shot at my board before I transfered and I wanted those wings...including the phone number for the National Response Center. Dealing with an oil spill??? Call 1-800-424-8802.) The fact I STILL remember the NRC number shows you why my friends and family call me the human phone book. If I actually take the time to commit a number to memory I won't forgot it. Example... (and because some of these are still their parent's home numbers I will only write the last three digits...

Erin: 055
Megs: 361
Ray: 006
Aaron: 540
Ian: 880
Karie:586
Linds: 584

etc etc etc

And cell numbers... I have some of those memorized too...

Ashley: 710
Carrie: 556
Kerri: 242

etc etc etc

Another example of my "if I care to memorize it I will".... the TV show from the 90s... Animaniacs... Yakkos Nations of the World... a friend told me he didn't think I could memorize it.... now I can't forget it. (Seriously...if you know me call me up and tell me to rattle that shit off... I am alllll over it.)

17. I am really uncomfortable talking about religion...I have panic attacks when I go to church. I believe in God...why do I have to talk about it or go to a man made building to have a relationship with Him??? Seriously. God created Earth, yes? Well I would rather go chill by a tree for an hour on Sunday morning than go to a stuffy building. Get over it.

   Still don't like talking about religion. I have however successfully made it through some church time without wanting to throw up a little (recently too...I took pictures of my friend Carrie's baptism last month).

18. I have a tub of cut up shirts from my childhood that I am planning on making into a quilt....when I learn how to sew...which will prolly never do....so therefore I have a tub of cut up shirts from my childhood...

   Still have the tub of cut up shirts from my childhood that I am planning on making into a quilt...still can't sew well enough to make it into a quilt. Super.

19. If I make 2nd Class off the March exam I will have made 2nd class in less than 2 years.

   I made it off that exam. Boom.

20. I am an avid movie watcher. I have almost 200 dvds.

   My movie buying has decreased since I finally moved up to OKC with Adam...but I still have a ridiculous amount of DVDs and I still love watching movies.

21. I have learned not to be so trusting of people. There a lot of assholes in this world. A lot.
   Yep.

22. I wish my grandparents were still alive. I look at people my age that still have there grandparents and I think that I somehow got robbed or something wonderful. I never met my Grandpa Clint, I can barely remember my Grandma Jean, Great Grandma Catherine or my Grandma. I have more memories of my Granddaddy but they are all random and getting fuzzy. They all died young. It scares me that people in my family die young.

   When I wrote this I didn't mention Grandpa Cliff. Everything else is still the same.

23. Jon and Kate Plus Eight, Extreme Home Makeover and Greys Anatomy and three shows you don't speak to me while I am watching. I may just kill you with my bare hands.
   Jon and Kate Plus Eight...no longer. Extreme Home Makeover...no longer. Grey's Anatomy....VALID. Add Vampire Diaries and Once Upon a Time.  If we count Netflix....add Lost Girl too.

24. I have three tattoos...a daisy on my ankle, a sea turtle on my hip and a shooting star on my foot. After the shooting star my Mom said no more tattoos. After that was said Roxy passed away and I got her initials on my ankle by the daisy. It took my Mom over a year to notice. I am currently designing my fourth tattoo....getting ink is addictive...

   Still don't have that fourth tattoo. Ink is addictive but also expensive.

25. I never apply myself 100 percent to anything. I figure that if I fail at something I can justify it to myself because I didn't try my hardest. But if I try my hardest and I still fail I wouldn't let it go...ever...I am terrified of giving my all and failing sooooooooo I just don't

   Sadly.... I cannot edit this. That is still how my brain works. Bummer.









There you have it. Boom goes the dynamite. Now you know a little bit more useless crap about me. Feel special and shit.

Oh yeah.... just so you know.... if you add "and shit" to the end of anything you say it makes you an instant gangsta.

Seriously.

"I like cute and fluffy kittens."  vs.   "I like cute and fluffy kittens and shit."

Gangsta.

Keep livin' the dream!

~Turtle